The Power of Self Healing – Jane’s Story       by Steve Gunn 

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[ The case studies are not here to illustrate soul connections but to demonstrate the power of personal healing and transformation using Ptsen Nuh metaphysical techniques.

In some cases, but not all, the persons need for healing was triggered by a soul connection however in these articles case studies we do not look at the relationship aspects or if they got back together - we focus on the individuals' healing and transformation.

If you want to know about a soul connection you will not find out about it from anyone else's story even if they seem similar because every situation so unique thats why we don't feature the stories .. Soul connection articles on the general issues and principles can be found here but to find about about your own unique situation it needs to looked at individually which can only come from an individual consultation.]





In her own words.....

Man is created to praise, reverence, and serve God….and, by this means to save his soul…Ignatius of Loyola.

At ten years old I started a journey to become Catholic; coming from an Atheist family this was not easy, as it was not until my forties that I was finally confirmed. It was a beautiful event. I was home, or so I thought.

Then I connected with my Soul-mate…Not religion, nor God, could get me out of this one…

I had just been married in June, 2001. He was the wrong man, and I knew it. I had meningitis and a man I had never heard of named Padre Pio came to my dreams and told me. I returned from our honeymoon in a wheelchair, and shortly after the attacks on September 11th, I was diagnosed with a non-cancerous brain tumor. My new husband left saying he “did not want a sick wife,” which led to spending the next few years in bed getting sicker, trying to take care of two kids alone, and watching the war on television. Eventually my 16 year old son was told it was time to put me in assisted living and move on with his life. We decided that was an unacceptable outcome and packed our belongings, moving away from the only place that felt like home, at least a little.

Re-locating to a place with specialized care for the illness from which I had hoped to recover proved to be more difficult than we expected. Mostly all the doctors had to say was, “I didn’t go to medical school long enough,” which led to more moving around.

I thought I knew suffering…Then, I saw my soul-mate, and he was on the other side of the world fighting in a war.

It seemed funny to me to sit in my room and find the internet. I had been alone and secluded for so many years, this seemed like it could be kinda cool. I tried to look up an old friend on one of the social networking sites, and discovered you could actually meet people from every walk of life. What a treat. Could I just put in a name and location? It seemed possible, so I thought of a name and a country which felt interesting, and a man caught my attention. However, it appeared he was in the military and I knew nothing about that kind of life. I was not sure if I could intrude in such a way; yet, I always wished I could do more to support the soldiers and believed it might be nice to be pen pals.

I had never known bliss, but what followed was just like Heaven. The minute I laid eyes on his photo, it was like I had fallen into some alternate universe that I had never heard of or seen before, where passion was only sweet. One small note containing just a few words with a single thought speaking to me, “this one is about the heart, so don’t play your stupid games,” and the journey of my life began. The next two years would change my life forever. The peace, joy, comfort and love that we shared in our letters made me feel whole and I got up. First with a wheel-chair, then a walker, and pretty soon I was running 5 miles a day and doing Yoga.

It wasn’t real, right? I mean, I had long since come to terms with the idea that I had in fact gone crazy, but I didn’t care. If this was crazy, sign me up! My life was changing, my son’s life was changing, my entire family was changing. I was better and they were healing too. What could possibly go wrong?

I will never forget that feeling…The first time he ran. I had finally got up the courage to ask for an important favor. It was pretty simple really; please let me know if you ever decide to leave…Followed by ten days of silence. I waited in severe pain. I had not told anyone about this relationship, but I needed someone to talk to, so I called my best friend and asked her to come from out of town. I explained, “I don’t know what’s wrong, but I am in so much emotional pain I can’t get up off the floor. I am literally rolled up in a little ball on the floor and I can’t stop crying.” Our visit had been enough for me to believe I could now leave it all behind. I explained my plan to “just let it go.” Her response still haunts me, “good luck with that.”

By the end of the week-end, I had heard from him and we re-connected; therefore, whatever that was I had been through, I was just glad it was over and very thankful I would never have to go through it again.

The relationship became intense. There was so much going on I could barely keep up. We had our own language, patterns, habits… We shared each other’s wounds. If one was hurt the other would get the same injury, if one was sick the other was sick, if one of us had a problem the other had the same…If we listened to music and wrote about it, the other had been listening to the same thing. These types of occurrences went on and on. They were shocking to me at first, but eventually it just became normal. We touched each other’s lives, we were there for each other, and we loved, simply. It was beautiful; it was innocent.

You could feel the energy from across the world. It was getting closer and closer to time to talk about “it.” He ran…I ran…At my best friend’s urging, I stopped, and fell back down on the floor rolled into a little ball. I gave it time…and, more time. I prayed. I went to church. I went to therapy. I literally started running up to two hours a day. The beautiful bubble I had been living in had in fact become a hole; a very, very deep, dark hole.

Things were happening in my life that I could not explain, and I could not escape the pain. It got so much worse as time went on, all I had left to do was search. My entire life became consumed by thoughts and questions. I looked for answers every place I could think of; yet, every time I thought I had my head wrapped around it, the pain would return tenfold. I referred to it as, “The Bounce.”

In utter desperation, and with some reluctance, I decided to do some research on Soul-mate connections. I had never had much experience with love and I didn’t really believe in the whole idea of a ‘Soul-Mate,’ nevertheless, I had tried everything else with no relief, so why not.

I was lucky…The first site I came across was Steve’s. I don’t know how long I sat there, but it was a long time, hours. I just stared at the screen, crying. Eventually, I decided it was all to “airy-fairy,” for me and went to my Aunt’s farm to “get over it.” There was just enough space to believe I was finally cured. However, the minute I returned, things took shape in a way that I could not avoid the reality that this wasn’t over for either one of us. I wrote a letter taking all of the responsibility for my end of the running, and he let me. We re-started just where we had left off, as if nothing had ever happened.

We were both so happy, yet, so insecure. We stepped things up and got a little more open. It was getting harder and harder not to express this passion; the need, the desires…and, with what felt like the loudest BANG, they were soon revealed. And, he ran…again.

I didn’t have a clue what was going on, but there was one thing of which I had become certain, he was: ‘A Runner.’ I recalled the words from Steve’s page, and I was not going to bail him out this time. The only thing I knew was that it was serious and the pain was intolerable. I couldn’t get out of bed, but I could not go to sleep either. When I did sleep, I dreamt of him, of us, and I would wake screaming and sweating. It had become such a normal part of my routine that I stopped bothering to change my clothes. Trying not to cry became second nature to the agony of just trying to breathe. I felt like I was in a battle so primal, and I was not sure if cared enough to win.

I became reckless and careless. I started to drink alcohol, and smoke more than two packs of cigarettes a day. These behaviors had to be kept to myself, due to an awareness of how those around me would be impacted, after such a long, tenuous fight with my health, especially for someone who had not touched liquor in years.

I managed my life on a wing and a prayer doing the absolute minimum required. I could see the future and it wasn’t good. The only thing clear was the knowledge that this dark pain was endless, and there was a possibility that I was in real danger. So, I enlisted “help.”…A lot of help. I went to a Priest, a Neuro-psychologist, a couple of different therapists, a spiritual guidance counselor, started taking medication, got a Buddhist mentor and spent more than four hours a day in the gym, running, doing Yoga, crying through it all. I talked to my closest, wisest friends, who were very supportive, patient, and kind. I threw up a lot and could not eat. I literally could not understand the words people were saying. Sentences were too hard to follow and nothing made any sense. It all sounded like low pitched static. I was hallow, empty, and on auto-pilot. I had reached zombie status.

On top of all the pain, there was “A Beast” inside of my head leading me around in circles, typically blaming myself, trying to make sense of it. How could this be happening? Mostly, all I did was sit and stare, usually at my computer. Time became unclear. It was narrow, wide, slow, fast, until at some point, it just stopped. Every day, every minute, had become another step deeper into hell. I could no longer pray or play my piano. I could not even pet my cat or speak to my son. Most of my friends and family didn’t know what was wrong with me, but you could feel the stillness in the air, as if they were holding their last breath afraid to ask the question, was I sick again?

Yea…I was sick. I was soul sick. This was much worse than a tumor. There wasn’t a path to heal this one, at least not that I could find, and I knew I was well on the road to becoming physically sick again too. Had it not been for what I had just survived with my health, I think I would have let it take me away. Death seemed like a much simpler solution.

Terrified and almost embarrassed to use the words, “Soul Mate,” I was at a dramatic crossroads and the only thing left to do was contact Steve. The fear I had when I pressed the send button was intense. How could I explain that I had come to put my life in his hands? Would he really understand? Would he respond?

Yes…He did. I have never been so scared. It felt like good news and bad news….someone understood, and there was a chance at recovery; however, it wasn’t going to be easy. Time and discipline were necessary, and the hardest part for me was the requirement of objective thinking. My head had become stuck in one subjective place on one subjective thing: figuring out why this man left me. I had long since lost the ability to process language that was about anything else; hence, my first conversation with Steve was frustrating. Nonetheless, he was clear and spoke directly to the monster in my head with patience and resolve, and he gave me an assignment.

Steve explained that all I had to do was follow his directions and I would feel better quickly. I was certain that it would be different for me, and besides, I didn’t really believe him. It all seemed too easy for someone as broken as I was, so I added my own little twists on his instructions. Again, with firm compassion, he would re-direct me back to doing things exactly as he had said, and it began to work.

I was so far gone; I could not even identify what he meant when he said “it works.” Until I started to feel a little better and it occurred to me…The goal is to feel good and be happy again. I remember thinking, “Oh, this is what’s going on? I can get my life back.”

Shortly after, I went to Hawaii to see my family, and it felt like there were painful “triggers” every where. I had brought Steve’s book, “When Two Souls Connect,” and decided to read it. I was astonished to learn that someone else had been through this. The fact that he had taken the time to write it all down made me feel more than grateful.

Even on vacation, I knew I had to keep up the work. One night in particular, I had a dream about this man which was so intense that I got out of bed and went outside. When I opened the door there were so many stars it felt like I was drowning in bright light. The wind was blowing hard all around me and it was raining a little. I stood in the middle of the street and asked God to “please bring him back.” and, once again, asked, “Why me?” The pain had returned, and I felt lost, but a strong voice inside my head said, “just do the exercises as you have been taught.”

I didn’t know how it was all working. I had the intelligence and education to understand Steve when he explained that there was much more to what he had me doing than what I could see, so I decided to just do it. I became teachable and followed along. I learned. I “became a predator to the pain.” I searched for it and released it. Life kept throwing me a lot of punches, as did the man I loved so much. One night just before I was about to go to bed, it felt like we were in battle, even though we had not talked in so long. At this point, I thought I was prepared for anything he could do to hurt me, and I said out loud, “Go ahead, hit me with your best shot.” He did.

When I woke up, I turned on my computer. My iTunes was on shuffle, and while I was checking my email a specific song came on and I thought, “check everything.” He was gone. He had cut off every avenue of connection and communication. Two years of building had been torn down. A new song came on called, “Home,” and my body shook. I felt like an unknown source of energy had pushed me off of my chair. The pain came out of my mouth in a voice I had never heard before. I was back on the floor and the hits just kept coming. I was flooded with memories. Steve was right, “this was about my [your] whole life.” I could see my family wound and how it had grown like a cancer in all of the women who had come before me. I could see my Nana and I felt the pain of her death for the first time. I felt the pain of all the women in my family on both sides who had lost their husbands to war early in life. I felt what it was like for them to live out the rest of their lives alone.

I don’t know exactly how I got there, but some how I found a way to the phone and the edge of my bed. I sat there for a long time crying uncontrollably. I tried to call Steve, but the phone wouldn’t work. I had to go to work, and some how whether or not I could find a way to heal this and get there was representing the whole thing. I knew I had a choice to make, but how could I? It felt like I was trying to go against destiny. Then I remembered Steve saying to me, “it’s going to end with you,” and I chose. I dialed the phone over and over until he was finally on the line and we did the exercises together. Some how, after about 15 minutes, I was okay. I went to work, and each time the pain returned, I went to the restroom and did the exercises. By the end of the day, I was happy again.

It was about belonging in the home I had with my Nana, the person who defined the core of who I am. It was about her death, and the hell that followed as I watched my mother and our family decay with the loss. And, how that suffering led to my abandonment and homelessness at age 14, in a town without a culture for a child left alone, like an animal who survives while enduring bone crushing loneliness. It was about the home all the women on both sides of my family had and lost when their husbands passed. It was about a journey; a walk in sweet rhythm with a man who possesses an extraordinary heart, where home was found in the connection of our souls.

The next day at the gym is one that I will always remember with clarity. I was standing there talking to someone who I had not seen for a long time, or if I had, I didn’t notice. At some point, I realized I was having a real conversation, making real plans, and I could suddenly see the world around me again. I knew in that moment, I had my life back. I was back. I wasn’t the same, as it was now a life healed. It was the lives of all the women who came before me healed. The baby had been born and it was beautiful. It was life. It was love.

The tools I learned have provided me with a chance to clear out the dark, painful energy I had been carrying all of my life. It was blocking me from feeling anything else, and physically it felt like I carried the weight as an albatross around my neck. Through the techniques I have managed the most painful emotions I have ever known, and I am now calm, as if I have a clean palette. It is a bit like feeling everything for the first time. I am happy.

I thought I knew myself, then I met my Soul Mate, and through the techniques and a lot of hard work, I have been able to move on with creating a new life for myself. I think the one thing for which I have the most appreciation is the speed at which it worked. So, if you are a person going through this phenomenon; if you feel lost, and the pain seems endless, keep the faith. There is hope. If it seems like your life, your self, your soul, has been ripped apart and there is no way to find happiness again, just hang on, there is a way to freedom. Because, if you do this work, there will be something very special waiting on the other side. There will be peace.

My life today is so remarkably different. I ride my bike around listening to my music, singing along to the songs. I no longer fear the songs that remind me of anything sad. I am able to truly forgive and am fully capable of loving with an open heart. I feel blessed to have had this journey and the opportunity to connect with the women who walked before me. I no longer feel as if I have to suffer as they did. For, they are now integrated into my soul as the best part of who I am, and at times it seems as if they are up in Heaven cheering me on. It feels like joy and speaks to me of Grace.

As far as this man is concerned, it often still feels like he is right in the next room. I am happy and comfortable to let this pure love I feel for him live in my heart, as a warm gift to my soul, rather than a burden to carry. Although I don’t understand or know what would cause the need to run, I have compassion, and I am at peace with it. I pray for him and hope he is okay, nonetheless, I have changed. I could no longer imagine a situation in which I would be willing to give without reverence to the truth.

Before this process, I had this ball of old, dark emotion living inside of me, and I was completely at the mercy of my thoughts about it. In turn, I had become profoundly ineffective in my need for renewal and change. Now, most of the time I live in the space of equanimity without having to give credence to all the judgment, or noise, inside of my head. I have the ability to just, ‘let it be,’ and stay focused on what is in front of me.

I am able to function in my life again and have clarity about the path ahead. I am starting school in the fall to finish my degree and then move on to graduate school in a year. I have a well structured plan to go into Human Rights and have signed up to work with the best organizations in the field. I am back to doing my Yoga and will return to Hawaii this summer to begin instructor training. I have resumed my running, and all of the injuries that plagued me have healed, or are in the process of healing, especially my neck pain. An MRI of my neck had revealed issues that could only be fixed through surgery, but I no longer have any pain and am better without it. I was also given my bi-annual brain scan and my tumor was gone. Hence, I am in the process of going through the medical system, so they can try to ascertain how to support me in moving from a ‘dis-abled’ life to an ‘able-bodied’ life.

For the first time in years I have a little job. Most importantly, I am able to have fun. I have met amazing new friends and reconnected with people from my past who I had lost touch with during this time. I have wonderful, beautiful people around me with whom I have opened up and shared my story. They have been supportive, kind, and loving. They have treated me with compassion and respect. I am able to be around my kids again, and explaining all of this to my son has brought us closer together and given new depth to our relationship. I can pet my cat and he is back to running all around the house.

Even though I am still just a ‘Gypsy Girl,’ I am at home with it, for I feel worthy wherever I am, and I no longer ask God for that which we can do for ourselves. I only pray for strength and courage, and give thanks for the tools I have been given to manage and release pain; for the knowledge and understanding that I am fully capable of accessing the miracle that is our God given natural ability to heal ourselves.

http://healmyenergy.com